The Goddamn Bridge is Still Up

Multiple residents reported Monday that the fucking Memorial bridge is still up, despite no moving vessels being visible in either direction all the way to the horizon. “I’ve been here forever. I could have conceived and had another kid by now and it would be old enough to be complaining in the back seat,” said local mom and blogger Jenna Brennings.

“Fuck,” she added.

Wait times have been longer and traffic more intense since the Sarah Long Bridge decided to stop keeping its shit together two weeks before Labor Day. Inquiries to city and state officials and God asking how they could possibly have let this happen went unanswered.

“It took me an hour and a half to get from Ogunquit to Portsmouth,” another resident said. “I’m ready to accept the consequences of a boatless society at this point.”

At the time of this writing, a sailboat finally came into view and it definitely didn’t seem tall enough to warrant this living hell.